Proust Questionnaire: Jennifer's answers

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On Sun, 21 Jul 13 22:52:50 UTC Jennifer (40) answered the Proust Questionnaire (click on a question to read other answers):

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?: watching love change into indifference, being consumed and immobilized by fear and confusion. awareness of brutality and exploitation. separation from my daughter, imagined separation from Sheridan, imagining either of their deaths.
Where would you like to live?: a peaceful port with proximity to appealing cities that breathe vitality and house precious works of art, communicate a sense of history. specifically cities with LHR/NYC/EH characteristics.
What is your idea of earthly happiness?: every vision I begin with is blighted by the nature of reality, changing/ending the vision. I don't have an idea of earthly happiness in a vacuum.
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?: the polarity of obsessiveness and neglect/indifference in my relationships with myself and others.
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?: I like complexity, my favorite characters are never purely 'heroic". unable to answer question as asked.
Who are your favorite characters in history?: prob Aurelius, great inventors. people who save lives.
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?: no real heroines, any answer would be dishonest.
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?: Elinor (Austen), Cathy (Ishiguro). in general characters I relate to or who represent the inverse of detested qualities in myself or others.
Your favorite painter?: I have a fondness for caravaggio, goya, cotan, modigliani, impressionism particularly, expressionism generally but not as a rejection of classicism, only in quality output.
Your favorite musician?: ani difranco makes me want to play the guitar. a monkeys change gender.elton john play the piano. beethoven/bach make me still. chicks that rock - heart and chrissie hynde, prince makes me want to dance. songs that sound like sex and laughing
The quality you most admire in a man?: a reserved intelligence, refinement that retains a masculine quality. humor, willingness to beat someone up on occasion.
The quality you most admire in a woman?: interesting. I have no specific answer only the qualities of three women I have loved. I find all women to be too unpredictable or inherently contradictory to steadily idealize (or dread). fascinated caution.
Your favorite virtue?: virtue. hmmm. never observed a lone quality/motivator in action or thought.
Your favorite occupation?: career - no answer. as in occupying time - stimulating conversation, connecting with Sheridan, travelling, writing, reading/movies, bathing, anything animals when they aren't in pain. sleeping.
Who would you have liked to be?: a good mom for my daughter. someone who never hurt her, someone she would want to know. a good wife to Sheridan, someone who never hurt her, someone she will always be happy to be around.
Your most marked characteristic?: overtly battling dualities like sentimentality and snobbishness, deep desire for release. self-involvement.
What do you most value in your friends?: The connection itself is what I most value..I don't look for particular qualities. A need for constancy, any sexual attraction or hint of competitiveness renders some impossible to sustain or initiate.
What is your principle defect?: lasher lasher, run run.
What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?: the death of my daughter or wife. to commit a truly evil act. to be rendered mute, immobile but aware.
What would you like to be?: wise, cheery, magical. emotionally stable but still vibrant/adventuring? no clue.
What is your favorite color?: primaries and contrasts - I like colors in their purity and like/dislike them in various contexts.
What is your favorite flower?: is there a lesser flower or an ugly flower? even dead flowers are beautiful.
What is your favorite bird?: phoenix
Who are your favorite prose writers?: will go with american fiction this time, too many w/o category. cormac, hawthorne, twain, london, melville, wharton, flannery, steinbeck. richard ford is good.
Who are your favorite poets?: shakes, millay, pope. parker makes me laugh. cummings. re poetry, I am less likely to appreciate a voice or vision, more likely to prize the best examples within a life's work. easier to name poems I love.
Who are your heroes in real life?: ....
Who are your favorite heroines of history?: ....
What are your favorite names?: Irish, Russian, Italian names have a passionate, musical ring. names that are beautiful and have more than one meaning.
What is it you most dislike?: sometimes, myself. disliking people I love in moments, this is very unsettling to me. boredom. qualities - incurious and/or self-satisfied stupidity. intentional cruelty. comprehensive lack of refinement/scope. cunning folk.
What historical figures do you most despise?: anyone with power who caused avoidable suffering, esp en masse. but cruel parents who ruin the lives of a single person get my vote, too.
What event in military history do you most admire?: I admire strength and a protective urge, bravery. excellent strategies impress me. causing harm does not. I admire soldiers who protect other people and live with moral/physical pain as a consequence of necessary actions taken to protect others.
What natural gift would you most like to possess?: self control, patience.the ability to paint/sketch.
How would you like to die?: painlessly and without foreknowledge, knowing Sheridan and my daughter are ok.
What is your present state of mind?: speculative but calm.
What is your motto?: I don't have one but when I hear that Willie Nelson song "Nothing I Can Do About It Now" it seems to fit

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