Proust Questionnaire: Morazda's answers

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On Fri, 12 Oct 12 13:36:39 UTC Morazda (42) answered the Proust Questionnaire (click on a question to read other answers):

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?: To not believe in myself as a person of worth; to no longer believe in/pursue the dreams I wish to attain.
Where would you like to live?: I actually live in my favorite place, Boston. That being said, I would be very happy to live in Paris or Rome.
What is your idea of earthly happiness?: To be surrounded by an abundance of great books and music, the free time to read them/listen to them as is my leisure, and the health and fortunes to travel at a moment's notice, to see the world and discover its secrets.,
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?: I fear that I will become like my mother, that the faults of my bloodline (anger, stubbornness, and exchanging food for love) will eventually overcome me, and so, I submit to them far too easily.
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?: Any monstrous person, usually from Romantic Gothic literature, who set about to terrorize the normal world, if for only one reason: to remind people of the importance of "chaos" within the human soul.
Who are your favorite characters in history?: Nietzsche, Rilke, Kierkegaard, Giordano Bruno, Michael Servatus, al-Hallaj: those who loved enough that they were unloveable, those who loved enough, that they were willing to burn for it.
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?: Those I admire most, have long since died of the wounds they have suffered in the just war against misogyny.
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?: Any free-thinking woman, usually from Romantic literature, who set about to push back against the ravages of the mechanism of misogyny, to claim the historical spirit of triumph, against the ravages of normal and decent society.
Your favorite painter?: Van Gogh: for he lost faith, mourned it, and repainted the world beautiful, through desolation.
Your favorite musician?: Chris Thile; whose faults are as much his genius, as his genius is his faults.
The quality you most admire in a man?: Honor, Loyalty, Confidence, Support, Care: to be a hot poker's end on a cold winter's morning.
The quality you most admire in a woman?: Honor, Loyalty, Confidence, Support, Care: to be a cold winter morning against the burns of life's hot poker.
Your favorite virtue?: Grace, although one cannot acquire Grace, they embrace it.
Your favorite occupation?: To be paid well for the admiration of the words I use, which render the world, bloody.
Who would you have liked to be?: Any person who walked through the streets of ancient Babylon, made offerings in its temples, tasted its breads and desserts, honored its brothels, and lived long enough to see it never fall into ruin.
Your most marked characteristic?: My boyish lonely longing, matched by flickering brilliance, cut with a staggering inner-knowing, rendered through my great sense of drama and play.
What do you most value in your friends?: A gentle and loving spirit, a sense for the perfection of beauty in their endeavors, the ability to endure me, my wandering, my sense of broken, my process of atonement.
What is your principle defect?: The ability to so easily pull the plug on people, rather than to lay there and stay on life support with them.
What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?: To have remained married, for anyone to remain married, for comfort instead of love, for calm instead of care, for any reason that exchanges silence for security.
What would you like to be?: The Sun, without the awareness that it's running of fuel, but with still the great excitement and anticipation for collapse and limitlessness.
What is your favorite color?: Autumn, for no color dwells in isolation of others, nor without a spirit, and certainly not without a time and a distance and a perspective of being seen.
What is your favorite flower?: Wildflowers, and other buds which adorn and encourage the feminine rapture.
What is your favorite bird?: The Raven, for its mystery never ceases.
Who are your favorite prose writers?: Flannery O'Connor and Annie Dillard, for their binding of mysticism, misery, and splendor
Who are your favorite poets?: Rilke, Rumi, Rimbaud, Baudelaire, Dickinson; those for whom God was dark, but the heart, far more darker.
Who are your heroes in real life?: I live in a time without heroes, where idle talk and idle actions, idle presentations, and servitude for lack of inner action, serve as models of heroism. If I have heroes they are Nature, they are the Universe, they are eternal, have truth.
Who are your favorite heroines of history?: Medieval Mystic Women, Christian, Muslim, and Jewish women mystics, from the desert to the temple to the cave to the home, who gave voice to the Divine in a world that believed the name of God was ineffable.
What are your favorite names?: They are all in Hebrew, and I don't do them justice when I pronounce them or write them. They can make angels and devils appear, equally so.
What is it you most dislike?: My own failures.
What historical figures do you most despise?: Any man who raised his hand in violence against a woman, who oppressed the weak, who took advantage of the poor and the sick, who made a name on the pain and death of others.
What event in military history do you most admire?: While I find military action to be less than admirable in most cases, and the motivation for such things to be questionable at best, I would still say that the Northern response against the South, in the US Civil War, was most admirable.
What natural gift would you most like to possess?: Flexibility and a high metabolism
How would you like to die?: In the arms of my beloved, at the age of 101, surrounded by friends, with a string quartet playing next to the bed.
What is your present state of mind?: Overly-stressed by too much work, longing for vacation, rest, touch.
What is your motto?: If I should fall from Grace, I will arise in Grace.

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